Being a PI is so much more....

So, I'm at the annual meeting of the American Society for Virology with two of my doctoral students and yesterday I had one of those moments that force you to log in and blog.
In the morning, my crew disappeared. They didn't come to some of the morning sessions and this raised a bit of anxiety in my heart. My two students were presenting back to back talks in the first session of the afternoon workshops and we had been preparing the talks already for a while. In fact, we had skept some of the sessions the day before to work on them. I felt that they both were ready, they had rehearsed their talks to a good extent and I thought that all they needed to do was to polish aa bit more the specific wording they were going to use in a couple of slides. But it was already really good the way it was. So, I felt confident and fairly relaxed about their presentations because I knew they were going to do OK. But when I noticed them missing in action, my heart all of the sudden skept a beat. I just felt a wave of adrenaline go through my veins, produce a chill in my back, and bring back emotions I had felt the first time I had one of my graduate students presenting our work. It was that sudden realization that I was not in control that produced a chill in my brain. When you are in control, you know that nothing bad is going to happen because you will make sure that nothing bad is going to happen. But when you are NOT in control, when somebody else is at the stearing weel, you know that you are not the one who defines the direction that the moving vehicle that your life turns into is going to take. Suddenly, you realize that nothing is in your hands, you know that anything that happens at that moment, the reputation of your scientific enterprise, the boldness of your research, the perceived strenght of your own science, is in someone else's hands. 1985 was the year I started my "scientific" career. That's when I commited myself to become a scientist (well, I had always known what I wanted to be, but that's the year I started my undergrad education, at age 16). More than 25 years of truly demanding work were in someone else's hands...well, perhaps not totally, but to some degree. The chill in my back turned into a memory. When I was a child, back in Colombia, I remember climbing this relatively tall mountain right next to the city where I was born. At some point on my way to the top, I remember turning around just to realize how high I was and how easy it would be to fall down. All the effort I had put getting to that point would be lost in just one second. That memory came to me like a flash. Fear. The most basic of the emotions. The one we share with all other vertebrates. It consumed me, even if for only a few seconds. Then, a soothing thought came to me, to rescue me, to save me: "If they are not here, it is not because they are not ready, it is not because they are insecure and overwhelmed by fear, it is because they want to make it perfect, because they know they can make it perfect, it is because they will make it great."
I decided that they didn't need me. No more criticism. No more coaching. It was all in their hands. They had each other to help each other. And I trusted them. I knew at that moment that this was not really anything new. I realized something that should've been obvious all this time: I've been doing exactly that for more than a while. I've been trusting my doctoral students, my master students, my undergraduate students, with everything I've been fighting for. And I've been doing that every day since I became a professor.
I was joined by them at lunch. They came my way and we made it to the auditorium where they were going to present their work. They seemed confident. And I felt confident. Then, they presented their work. First Jason. Then Katie. They both did great. Every word, every statement, every movement appeared to be perfectly orchestrated to deliver the right message. After each one of them, multiple hands were raised. People were anxious and willing to ask questions. Questions are the indirect way to indicate that your work matters, that you intrigued your audience, that they paid attention, that your message was heard. And there were plenty of hands asking for a chance to ask a question.
I felt proud. I felt safe. I felt thrilled. But more than anything else, I felt that the road I had taken up to that point had been worth it. Life is a nothing but a second. And everyone's life is easily forgotten in the infinite array of lives that converge in our world. But I felt that I had changed, at least to some degree, Jason and Katie's lives. And that gave a deeper meaning to my own existence.
Being a PI is so much more than just writing grants, trying to be scientifically creative, staying on top of the newest research, keeping up with the newest methods, trying your best to write decent papers, looking at your data with no attachment and no bias, trying to keep an open mind about what matters and what seems to be just noise....being a PI is so much more. It is about trust, about guidance, about developing life-long interactions, about making sure everyone gets the best, ....being a PI is so awesome in so many ways, I can't see myself doing anything else at any point in life.

Time is on my side, yes it is.

Time has to be on your side.  They say the force laughs at our plans on a regular basis. I was up real early and got to the lab at 8:15 am in order to prepare to run my protein gel as soon as the lab meeting was over. What could go wrong? All I needed to do was polymerize the stacking gel. It is midnight now and I am finally home.  There were plenty of breaks and I got to eat lunch with colleagues at our weekly lunch break.  Until I gain enough experience to know the ins and outs of the business, I must be diligent. What if that spot ruins my experiment? What if those extra 5 minutes of blocking a membrane ruin my results? A Bubble! Oh noooooo, my day can't be ruined, there has got to be a way. Ask Dr. Rosas.  A Tare! Oh Shoot, no way this can be fixed, do it over again.  Read the instructions over and over again. Don't miss anything, don't add anything. Overdoing it? Under doing it?  Listen to the girl next door or the guy down a bench? Ask Dr. Rosas.

At least I can bring Mateo into the lab still. Soon enough he will no longer be allowed and my precious time spent in lab is likely to be diminished.

Nonetheless, I get to come home and I know I did every step as carefully as I could without any rush because time is on my side. It has to be. All for the love of a good figure.

Lab isn't always fun and games...

Life in a virology lab isn't always fun and games. A lot of the time, things need to get done so they don't pile up in the future. 

Simple to Complex

Today we had lab meeting to discuss each lab member's projects (experiments) that have been completed, are in progress, or at a stand still. It was interesting to see all the different aspects of research that one can explore associated to SUMOylation and Influenza. Throughout the meeting the boss would add an explanation as to why a certain project was at a stand still or why the experiment was not working. He would draw diagrams of how the experiment would theoretically work. As he drew and explained, it seemed like a fairly logical and simple experiment that would not be a problem to execute. Then, he would say "but..." and "a factor we must consider"and so on. At this point it hit me. Research is a world full of millions of questions. You hypothesize that your experiment will proceed a certain path "but" then "you must consider many different factors."Your experiment may work the way you hypothesized and it certainly may take a path you would have never imagined. When you answer one question, you then open 10 more doors of questions. And this is when research turns from "simple" to complex.

Don't you love it when...

a gel runs properly?!

It has a tiny dent, but look at that straight line!

Hopefully the rest of my gels come out this good...

It's nice when experiment work, isn't it?

The 'Root' of the Situation

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It’s great to say that research, (for me; not sure about the chemist grad students next door), is a vivacious journey, rather than the culmination of specific accomplishments such as the production of noteworthy data and a fancy degree. From degreed professionals to newborn babies, we’re all curious little scientists, uncovering the various trends spotted in

Learning all the Way

I still remember my first time in a circus. As five years old, looking at elephants doing tricks, tigers jumping through fire, and people walking on a rope suspended three meters from the ground blew my mind. Being that young, the circus seemed to me like a completely different world. Three months ago when I first started in Dr. Rosas Acosta’s virology lab, I had the same feeling again. Every day that I shadowed somebody I learned something completely different. Just by opening the door of the lab I felt like entering to a whole different world with its own language where instead of talking English people talk in a vast variety of acronyms and scientific terms.  It was nice that after sixteen years, I was still able to discover small new worlds as when I first was exposed to a circus. Instead of seeing elephants, tigers, and acrobats; I learned about bacterial transformations, cell immortalizations, and designing DNA sequences. Three months in this lab have been a constant learning experience. This is why I like science. One never stops exploring different worlds. 

My journey...

I want to tell the story of how I initiated my journey as a virology researcher. I started taking classes at EPCC, where I also had a job at a science laboratory. My duties were to help instructors in everything they needed as well as preparing solutions, cleaning glassware, and basically preparing all the equipment for ALL the science labs (that meant geology, microbiology, A&P, biology, chemistry, and even physics). I really enjoyed the environment and the independence of my job. A year later, I finish all my basic courses and transferred to UTEP. My immediate goal was to get another job at school, so I started looking right away. A semester after my transfer, I checked my email and read “get paid to do research”, so I applied. I didn’t know what to expect or what research was all about. Weeks later, I received an email saying that I was accepted to a summer research internship with the LSAMP program. Based on my personal statement and my interests, the program assigned me to a laboratory; the SUMO-Influenza lab. The first time I met Dr. Rosas-Acosta  I was very nervous and I remember having to fill in a form with my information and my mentor’s name ( later I realize I wrote Dr. Flores instead of Dr. Rosas :s). I started working in the lab as an independent undergraduate student for the summer, later I had the opportunity to stay with the LSAMP program for the entire school year. The next year, I applied again, but this time I was working with Sangita (the Master’s student at the time) developing the artificial SUMO ligases. After my graduation, I was offer to stay as the lab technician for 6 months, before I started my Master ‘s. I can say that I have been extremely fortunate to be here with all the opportunities that have been given to me. Even though, I am not the best student, I still remember the way I felt when I first started working here; I felt excitement, curiosity, but mostly confusion because I was completely lost the majority of the time. Now, I can feel the progress I made throughout the years, the knowledge on techniques and terms has been growing, but I still feel the curiosity and confusion in many of the experiments I perform. My main driving force is the fact that I know I will always have things to learn and techniques to master.

Just think about this:

 You are looking for answers on how an incredible microorganism such as the influenza virus has been able to cause the second deadliest disease in history.   Exciting right?! :)

A virology lab...

I suppose I'll start at the beginning and let you all know what it was like for me, starting out in a virology lab. It all started when I got accepted to be a part of the lab, I was pretty excited, not really knowing what to expect, but having the feeling that I was in for a ride that would end up teaching me a lot. As time passed and I became more familiar with lab, I got to know a lot of new people who have and still are showing me a lot of different techniques.

As of the present day, we only have one week left before classes are officially over.  Finals week.   Hopefully all goes well.  I am looking forward to spending some time in lab over the summer since I am going to have a fairly open schedule and its not going to be nearly as hectic as during the semester.   That being said, I hope everyone who's taking finals does wells and everyone has a good summer.

The end of the Semester

So, with the culmination of this semester, so ends my time as an undergraduate. With this comes an end to the excessive scientific coddling which most undergrads are commonly afforded. And also, with this comes a time during the summer where my role in the lab is not clearly defined. Though I have had many sources of advice on how to plan out the activities that I should partake in, I have to step back and truly contemplate the question. What should I do during the summer?  Some advice has urged me towards enjoying this time away from the lab in preparation of the seemingly endless commitment that will begin in the fall. My thoughts on this, however, have led me to the conclusion that my time here in the lab can be balanced between class work, lab work, and family “work” (This by no means should be regarded as anything other than work because the joy and sense of accomplishment from succeeding in any job is highly rewarding, and the same holds true for my role as a spouse and parent. The more effort you put in the better the results!) enough so, that I will not be overwhelmed by the strain of my commitment to the lab and the program as much as I might have in the past. Others  have suggested that I could spend the summer months by taking a graduate class and pushing forward with the work I am currently involved with, as well as preparing and developing my own questions to formulate my course of action and/or focus as a graduate student. While, others still, have pointed out the fact that this summer is still a gray area, as far as planning goes, because the amount of time that I will be able to dedicate to each of my responsibilities is still not well defined. My preference would be to immerse myself into work and school but the reality is that several specific events during the summer may not allow for this. I am excited to do more research though! I’m having a really fun time and have to say that I really like this science thing. Hopefully, I can complete some of the work early enough to get an abstract in and be able to present at a conference or two. I look forward to the unknown as a welcomed challenge and a motivator because just as with any other new and difficult task, which might even seem like the impossible, I know that I’ll make it happen.